Me, Kevin and Facebook

Here is a snapshot of my last day at school, some two decades ago, when at the age of 18 I had my final altercation with a fellow pupil I shall refer to as Kevin.

Kevin and I  are standing next to each other as the school photographer prepares to take a picture of the graduating class of 1992.

“Do you mind not standing there,” he says.

“It’s just that being stood anywhere near you makes me look bad.”

Recognising the unintentional compliment (standing next to me makes him look bad, but he is too thick to notice this), but understanding the jist, I move along a couple of places.

The less odious of my classmates don’t mind me shuffling past them, and I put up with the odd grunt of disapproval for the sheer relief of moving further away from Kevin.

Kevin, who if he had double the IQ would still fail to qualify for a place at primary school, and whose knack for spitting venom with precision and regularity is admirably unmatched.

Of course, Kevin’s contempt for me is matched only by my hatred for him.

The only difference is that I  have a reason  -  he started it, I never gave him a second thought until he launched his vendetta against me.

I am the one who seems to stoke his fire of irritation more than any other of the 15 boys in my class, and I have no idea why.

When I was fat, he taunted me with daily tenacity, nothing overly imaginative or clever mind, just the usual “fatty”, “fatso”, *puffed out cheeks* “you're disgusting”.

When I lost weight that seemed to incur his wrath from a different perspective “skinny”....etc etc.

Whatever it was about me, it wound him up, and unlike how I would have handled a similar situation by ignoring the person, he targeted me on a daily basis.

Kevin’s dislike of me sticks in my mind to this day.

Fast forward 21 years and I find myself about to experience a slightly peculiar situation.

I am not a huge Facebook user but I have an account, and I sometimes speak to people I am not able to meet in person.

One day I have a notification that someone wants to “friend” me, always a pleasant surprise to see another human being has chosen to include me in their intimate circle of the cyberworld friends.

I am intrigued – I take a closer look.

My delight suddenly turns to a sensation of nausea when, on looking at the request, I see it is from Kevin – though no picture, he seems to do his Facebook friend building semi-incognito.

I look at it again, maybe it’s someone else, no it’s him, I know that name, it would be near impossible to forget.

There is no photo of Kevin. However, the ridiculous picture of a superhero against his user profile reveals the arrogance and sense of self-importance he swaggered around with for five years is still alive and well.

But what’s this? Not only is there a friend request for me to accept, should I desire, he has sent me a message.

Now many would say at this point it was all a long time ago, and things have changed – he probably doesn’t remember being, well, an idiot.

But I think differently, maybe it is called holding a grudge, but if there is any water flowing under the bridge I would still like to see him floating on top of it.

“Hello mate”, the message starts.

“Mate”???!- well I suppose it’s a pleasant change from “you fat twat”.

“Long time no speak, what are you up to? Be good to hear from you.”

I feel a slight twinge of temptation to let bygones be bygones. But, take out  the past 20 years of our own individual lives and I am still left on that stand,  him scowling at me to get out of his light.

What could possibly have changed? Certainly nothing that I am aware of, and I can’t understand why someone who made a hobby out of disliking me would want to suddenly be my best “mate”. 

And were it not for Facebook, I doubt very much I would have picked up the phone one evening to find my “old pal” Kevin wanting to chew the cud after a generation time-span of deciding I’m not that bad.

There is an urge to just ignore him,  let his request hang in the ether, but such was our dislike for each other I don’t even want that level of connection between our two existances.

I could take a proactive stand and press “not now”, but then he will know that I have seen his advance and have been petty enough to kick his request into touch.

After a bit of thought I decide I don’t care and reject his request anyway, his attempt at kindling a friendship disappears into the cyber-ether, best place for it.

It raised the question in my mind - what is it about Facebook that it allows incidents like this to occur which never would in the real world?

If I were to see Kevin in the street or on the train, and recognise him, I would move in the other direction, quickly, and I am sure he would do the same thing.

A bully is always a bully, and I don’t see why just because I haven’t felt the ire of his tongue since I was a teenager, I should suddenly embrace him into my life with open arms.

Sorry and all that jazz, but you were and always will someone I view with  contempt.

It reinforces my belief that Facebook creates an imaginary world where you can treat real friends with a sort of contempt you never would face to face while carrying an army of so-called comrades you wouldn't know if they jumped up in the shower at you.

Thanks for the opportunity, but I’ll pass if it’s all the same to you.

So Kevin, and anyone else of the same ilk who thinks it might be a good idea to kindle and old "friendship" – please, save yourself the trouble.