'There are downsides to looking this good': Why men hate me for being handsome

I have struggled for years to come to terms with my looks, my achingly-handsome visage and sportsman-like physique have placed too heavy a burden on my life it sometimes seems.

I used to welcome the constant gaze from women and men on the street, in restaurants, parties, and even the workplace, but it has grown so tiresome.

The novelty of being bought drinks in a bar, the owner captivated by my smouldering looks insisting I accept a free bottle of champagne, has fast worn off and now I see my mask of beauty as nothing more than an irritation.

I have adopted the habit of covering my face when I walk down the street to hide from the oppressive gaze of those that pass me by.

I have come to hate the envious stares of other men as they study my fine bone structure and solid jaw line.

I shudder as I feel women aggressively undressing me with their eyes, to such an extent, that I now avoid most if not all female contact.

I am sure that when asked for id in the supermarket, the assistant is just trying to catch my attention for slightly longer while getting the chance to study the photo on my driving licence.

I know I look about 10 years younger than I am, but must you draw such attention to it.

As Gerorgio, my barber, ran his hands through my hair at the weekend I was not sure whether to take his asking me “this much off the top?” to mean “my place or yours later?”.

Had he not been in his 60s I might not have taken it as such an insult.

It has become a constant battle of wits, mine against those of my merciless admirers.

Don’t get me started on airline staff. The last time I flew long-haul, the stewardess asked me if I would “like another blanket”.

Read into that what you like but I took it as a personal and unwarranted affront on my right to freedom from sexual oppression.

I didn’t see her pestering the old man two seats down, she didn’t hound him with her sexual advances – I spent the rest of the journey hiding in the toilet.

I can’t help my lush locks, baby soft skin and looks that would have Brad Pitt and Justin Bieber begging me for beauty tips.

Men shun me, women just want to sleep with me, and I have no friends. I put this wholly down to my looks, because inside I am really a beautiful person.

Ok, Ok – stop, I know, I can feel myself gagging.

If only this were true,  no, actually I thank God it isn’t NONE OF IT  – before I get eggs thrown through my window.

Of  course I called upon every sarcastic bone in my fairly average body to drum up this piece of nonsense.

And thank goodness I can put my had on my heart and, with a huge grin on my face, say that it is total and utter garbage.

The same sadly can’t be said of the Daily Mail’s Samantha Brick who wrote a similar article this week – oh yes, you know the one.

It has made her an overnight internet sensation.

Unfortunately, although laden with the same self-congratulating adoration, she believes every word of it, or at least that’s what she says.

I can’t help but think she is having a laugh, because no-one can be that self-absorbed, in public, and not expect a backlash.

And this, much to her disgust, is just what she got.

Apparently the 24 hours since the article appeared Ms Brick have been “to be blunt, among the most horrendous of my life”.

She has trawled through thousands of comments from people telling her to get over herself, and has been slated on twitter from disgusted readers.

Now I will say this, she has also been subject to some nasty and abusive comments, there is no excuse for that.

But a bit of ribbing, after what you broadcast to the world, I think that is the least you should have expected.

Undeterred she took to the pages of the Daily Mail again today to blast her detractors, and moan about her friends deserting her in droves after the piece “Why do women hate me for being beautiful?”

She had a go at Derren Brown who merely dared to comment “Hilarious, I wish I had such an inflated view of my looks” - fair point I would have said.

This is certainly not “trolling”  -targetting people with persistent abuse -which she has accused those who commented on her piece of engaging in.

Speaking from her home in France she managed to get in that all French women hate her too, why, you got it, jealous of her looks.

She then had the gall to flash the sexist card, saying she has been lambasted unfairly because she is a woman.

And it is at this point that she lost any sympathy she may have had from me, because for that she should be thoroughly ashamed.

“If Brad Pitt were to say ‘Yes, I’m a good-looking fella,’ then the world would nod sagely in agreement,” she whimpered.

“But if Angelina Jolie uttered something along those lines, she’d be subject to the same foaming-at-the-mouth onslaught hurled at me yesterday.”

The fact is he hasn’t though. Neither has Tom Cruise, George Clooney, or indeed Angelina Jolie who, to be honest, may have more of a case.

And if they had, they all would still have been subject to a bit of mickey taking, and it has nothing to do with sex, or colour, or sexual orientation come to that.

Of course I don’t agree with any bullying that has been thrown at this woman, there is never an excuse, and I still think it may have been a tongue-in-cheek article, maybe a bit of a publicity stunt – I hope.

But if not Samantha, please talk to a professional about this, in private.