Modern art, a study in taking the mickey?

Have a look at this picture, what do you see?

Two chairs on top of each other? An untidy office corner? Something you might see left at the tip?

Wrong. This is “Seige” - "a study in laminated wood, steel, brass lead and cable".

Its creator, Richard Wentworth, has captured “the French word for seat (siege) as well as the English idea of being under siege” - clever eh?

He explains the idea for the “sculpture" came from “a very different moment in gender politics, and it is now more common to discuss how pathetic men are".

“I used to think most of the time that I feel pathetic - and why shouldn’t one make work about that?” he adds.

Well at least he got that bit right.... but  if you ask me - Total pig swill.

This is the sort of thing that makes me sigh with exasperation when people rave on about modern art.

I have been cynical about it for years.

Millionaire “artists” hitting the big time by leaving their beds unmade or rolling up pieces of newspaper do little more than annoy me.

Not because I think I could do the same thing, because the truth of the matter is I haven’t, and if I had maybe I'd be sitting in a penthouse suite sipping champagne.

No, it’s hearing some smug unwashed hippy  talk down to the rest of the population as if we  are idiots, explaining his work to be a deep and meaningful reflection of his inner turmoil (see above).

I have one answer to the “genius” who proudly unveils a pile of cardboard boxes and empty tin cans to an audience of gagging art critics.... “that’s a load of garbage”.

The first time I visited the Tate Modern, in London, I was dragged through the doors kicking and screaming.

Defiantly I protested “I am NOT interested”, “it’s a total waste of time”, “I don’t want to play any part in perpetuating this nonsense and giving these people any more misguided credence than they already give themselves”.

But I made it through and after about an hour, I confess, I sort of had to admit some of it is quite interesting.

Ok, it is fun to walk around the piles of dirty washing and dish cloths arranged in symbolic fashion around a jam jar, and mutter derogatory comments under my breath.

But there are some things that make you stop and think, and I suppose that’s the whole purpose of art.

Tracey Emin and Damien Hirst aside, who in my opinion, should stick to making beds and chopping up carcasses, some of the exhibits are quite captivating.

Some jump out at you as weird, others are just interesting, and some are really dark and scary.

Behind a notice that warns “not suitable for children” are a collection of photos and video reels which fall firmly into the last category.

There is something eerily fascinating about watching someone smeared in wallpaper paste cutting bits of himself off (or appearing to) with razor blades and scissors.

Don’t get me wrong, it is not pleasant viewing, but is gets a part of the mind trying to work out “why?”, and that, I suppose is the purpose.

The artist in question is Gunter Brus, have a look, but be warned it’s not cheery, and watching it is uncomfortable to say the least.

If you read the comments at the bottom, you will see some people describe it a ”beautiful” and “peaceful”, make up your own mind, after all that is the point.

Another one is French “performance artist” Olivier de Sagazan, again watch it here with the warning it is a bit weird.

I must admit it did get me trying to work out what it was all about and, let’s face it, I have ended up talking about it.

This is another interesting exhibit at the gallery,  a replication of a hall and stairway made out of red mesh suspended from the ceiling.

As you walk into the room the reddness seems to grab your attention before the structure becomes apparent, it’s quite clever. 

There is another exhibit with the title “Red” - a series of photographs by Boris Mikhailov representing red being the symbol of the Soviet.

He says red represents “beauty, and blood, and the red flag everyone associates with Communism”.

And red is the theme for this arrangement of paper stapled to a corner of a room - don’t ask me, it’s art, and it might mean something to someone.

As might the pile of dirty washing (below).

The work by Michelangelo Pistoletto justifies floor space as it is a “complex juxtaposition of modern and historical images and ideas”.

Give me strength.

I say it’s pants,  and things like this conjure up visions of a rich con-man sitting in a luxury apartment chuckling to himself – “I’ve really fooled them with that one, they actually bought that it was art”.

Prove me wrong.

The stand outs are the things that make me think, I am scared by insanity and so perversely, the workings of a disturbed mind grabs my attention.

I also like the clever stuff, things that look like they have taken some effort or have tried to push my buttons by making me think.

The rest of it though, come off it, you must be having a laugh.