Breaking news: Government "sex tax" exposed

EXCLUSIVE

Government ministers sparked outrage last night after it emerged they plan to slap a tax on having SEX.

Shocking papers, previously unseen, reveal the Prime Minister is planning to impose a levy on nooky.

Their contents, closely-guarded until now, came to light after a tip off from an inside Whitehall  source.

Dubbed the “Karma-Sutra levy”, it last night sparked fury with “free-love” campaigners who accused the Government of persecuting non-celibate Britons.

Sex therapist Virginia Nomoore said: “Cheeky ****ers.

“First fags and booze, and now shagging.

“It is absolutely disgusting, and it is time for the people of Britain to stand up, or in this case lie down, for their rights.

“All that will happen is the rich will find more clever ways of getting round this while the rest of us will end up getting screwed.”

If passed, the tax will come into effect from next month, and will take the form of a series of charges for various acts.

The documents even specify a higher “fee” for having it off with the lights on, a bid to “reduce the carbon shag print”.

Couples will have to declare the number of times they have “engaged in sexual relations” with heavy fines for those who try to evade paying duty.

Amorous Britons could face a crippling bill at the end of the year with a £1.50 charge “per encounter”, including kissing, meaning people who “do it” more than once a day could be coughing up more than £1,000.

The Government plans to grade levels of sexual activity ranging from £3.50 for a “quickie” to a staggering £9.95 for anything lasting more than one hour.

The move sparked outrage from celebrities who have criticised the Government for “literally screwing the man and woman in the street”.

Pop star Sting, who reportedly has tantric sex for hours and hours with wife Trudie Styler, said: “This is going to cost me a fortune.

“It is outrageous, people who can get by on just once or twice a month are going to get away with paying nothing when the rest of us are going to get hammered - no pun intended.

“Again it’s one rule for the frigid, and another for everyone else.”

A Government spokesman said the tax was intended to encourage people to “cut dow on sexual activities” and discourage those who haven’t yet indulged not to start.

He said: “It not fair that some people pay huge amounts of tax while others get away with not paying their fair share.

“This is a way of evening out the playing field.

“I know we encourage five-a-day, but this does not apply to sex, and it is high time people started coughing up.”

Human rights campaigner Bertie legover said: “This has really given me the hump.

“And I would encourage people not to take this lying down.

“Once first smokers and drinkers, then motorists, and now this, where will it all end? 

“I for one am off to make the most of it while it’s free.”